Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. Long-Distance Relationship Family Resilience Strategy and Its Relevance to the Development of Islamic Family Law in Indonesia Strategi Ketahanan Keluarga Long-Distance Relationship dan Relevansinya terhadap Pembangunan Hukum Keluarga Islam di Indonesia Tiara Rismayanti Universitas Islam Negeri Raden Mas Said Surakarta, Indonesia tiararisma10@gmail.com Danu Aris Setiyanto* Universitas Islam Negeri Raden Mas Said Surakarta, Indonesia danuaris07@gmail.com Muhammad Auzai Cardiff University, Wales AuzaiM@cardiff.ac.uk DOI: 10.24260/jil.v3i2.842 Received: July 3, 2022 * Corresponding Author Revised: August 1, 2022 Approved: August 2, 2022 Abstract: Long-Distance Relationships (LDR) families have more complex challenges than families living under one roof (proximal romantic relationships). Interestingly, some LDR families in Ngawi, Indonesia, can maintain their family relationships to be harmonious. This article explores the strategies used by the LDR family in realizing a harmonious family and its relevance in the development of Islamic family law in Indonesia. This article focuses on the six LDR families in Ngawi and analyzes them using psychological approaches and family resilience theory. Using case study research, the authors found that LDR families have six strategies to realize harmony in their families. Commitment strategies, effective communication, inner comfort, economic fulfillment, spiritual improvement, and mutual understanding to realize harmony in their families. The psychological approach used to understand couples indicates an emotional connection in the family. Thus, the authors argue that the construction of family law needs to focus on aspects of psychology that are associated with aspects of economics and communication. The first aspect fulfills the right of birth in the family, while the latter fulfills the inner right of the mother. Both aspects are essential to the LDR family and require balance. Keywords: Family Resilience Strategy, Long-Distance Relationships, Islamic Family Law, Indonesia. [ 132 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. Abstract: Keluarga Long-Distance Relationship (LDR) memiliki tantangan yang lebih kompleks dibandingkan keluarga yang tinggal dalam satu atap (proximal romantic relationships). Menariknya, beberapa keluarga LDR di Ngawi, Indonesia, dapat mempertahankan hubungan keluarga mereka menjadi harmonis. Artikel ini mengeksplor strategi-strategi yang digunakan oleh keluarga LDR dalam mewujudkan keluarga harmonis dan relevansinya dalam pembangunan hukum keluarga Islam di Indonesia. Artikel ini fokus pada enam keluarga LDR di Ngawi dan menganalisisnya dengan menggunakan pendekatan psikologi dan teori ketahanan keluarga. Dengan menggunakan penelitian studi kasus, para penulis menemukan bahwa keluarga LDR memiliki enam stategi dalam upaya mewujudkan keharmonisan dalam keluarga mereka. Strategi komitmen, komunikasi yang efektif, kenyamanan batin, pemenuhan ekonomi, peningkatan spiritual, dan sikap saling memahamidalam upaya mewujudkan keharmonisan dalam keluarga mereka. Pendekatan psikologi digunakan untuk memahami antar pasangan menunjukkan bahwa ada relasi emosional dalam keluarga. Dengan demikian, penulis berargumentasi bahwa pembangunan hukum keluarga perlu memperhatikan aspek psikologi yang dikaitkan dengan aspek ekonomi dan komunikasi. Aspek pertama memenuhi hak lahiriyah dalam keluarga, sedangkan yang terakhir memenuhi hak batiniyah. Kedua aspek tersebut sangat penting bagi keluarga LDR dan membutuhkan keseimbangan. Keywords: Strategi Ketahanan Keluarga, Hubungan Jarak Jauh, Hukum Keluarga Islam, Indonesia. A. Introduction Long-Distance Relationship families (LDR) face more complex challenges than one-cease families in achieving good family resilience. Family resilience is an important thing to maintain to achieve a harmonious family. 1 It is because different LDR couple cases end in divorce.2 Some other cases experience disharmony and result in the house’s demolition, expulsion, and remarriage without the spouse’s permission until a third party (infidelity) occurs. Long distances will test commitment, financial investment, and bias in the LDR family.3 Arielle C. Butler and Siti Mas”udah, “Familial Relationships and Efforts in Retention of Marriage among Atomistic Families in Indonesia”, Cogent Social Sciences (Cogent Social Sciences, Cogent OA, 2022). 2 S Syamsiar and H Hasmawati, “Causes of Divorce in Ternate City, North Maluku”, Proceedings of the 2nd Annual Conference on Education and Social Science (ACCESS 2020): 2021. 3 Ahmad Subekhi, “Exasperated to Be Cuckolded and Rejected Husband, Wife Demolished the House of Work so TKI”, SINDOnews.Com (https://daerah.sindonews.com/read/687445/704/jengkel-diselingkuhi-dan-ditalak-suami-istribongkar-rumah-hasil-kerja-jadi-tki-1644976942). 1 [ 133 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. Wind Goodfriend argue that the consequences of deviance (bias) are more prone to occur in LDR families than in proximal romantic relationships.4 The LDR family results in disharmony. Interestingly, these general findings did not occur in families in Kasreman, Ngawi Regency, East Java, Indonesia. The LDR couple’s family continued to run harmoniously but faced challenges. Economic conditions, difficulties finding work, and difficulties building a business are three reasons why couples choose to carry out relationships in their families on an LDR basis. Therefore, it is essential to know their strategies to achieve family resilience and remain harmonious. LDR is one of the main factors causing divorce in Ngawi. 5 Several scholars have researched studies related to family income. By focusing on families caring for children with epilepsy, Qingqing Ma and colleagues argue that family resilience can increase the positive aspects of parenting while reducing the frequency of negative feelings by highlighting the need for doctors to focus on adequate interventions to improve family resilience. 6 The research results by Kristi K Westphaln and colleagues focused on the emotional support of children from parents. They argue that promoting emotional support for parents can increase family resilience and help children to thrive despite adversity. 7 The results of Pamela Rothpletz-Puglia’s research show that culture and influences between generations relate to family resilience in terms of family function, weight loss, and nutritional interventions.8 Ira Kusumawaty and several colleagues stated that mothers are essential in optimizing family resilience while caring for and improving the quality of life of children experiencing drug addiction. 9 4 Arielle Butler and Wind Goodfriend, “Long Distance vs Proximal Romantic Relationships: Predicting Commitment, Investments, and Bias”, Modern Psychological Studies 20, no. 2 (2015): 4. 5 Elin, Interview, Religious Courts Ngawi, 12 October 2021. 6 Qingqing Ma and others, “Family Resilience and Subjective Responses to Caregiving for Children with Epilepsy”, Epilepsy & Behavior, 125 (2022). 7 Maulana Rezi Ramadhana, “A Dataset for Emotional Reactions and Family Resilience during COVID-19 Isolation Period among Indonesian Families”, Data in Brief, 31 (2020); Kristi K. Westphaln and others, “Examining Child Flourishing, Family Resilience, and Adversity in the 2016 National Survey of Children’s Health”, Journal of Pediatric Nursing, 66 (2022). 8 Pamela Rothpletz-Puglia and others, “Family Systems Cultural and Resilience Dimensions to Consider in Nutrition Interventions: Exploring Preschoolers” Eating and Physical Activity Routines During COVID-19”, Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior 54, no. 6 (2022). 9 Ira Kusumawaty and others, “Family Resilience in Caring for Drug Addiction”, Sanitary Gazette 35 (2021): 491–94. [ 134 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. Specifically, in the LDR family-related study, Boitumelo argued that LDR conditioning makes the family not ideal so that problems arise in childcare, gender and role stereotypes, and surrogate caregivers. 10 Jennifer L. Bevan and Lisa Sparks argue that LDR needs appropriate communication for successful parenting and relationship to occur.11 Meanwhile, long-distance travel or mobility because of socio-economic, lifestyle, and labor market led to the occurrence of LDR in Italy. 12 In contrast to previous studies, this article focuses on the LDR’s family resilience strategy and its relevance to developing Islamic family law in Indonesia. This article is a case study focusing on six LDR families in Ngawi and analyzing them using psychological approaches and family resilience theory. This study was conducted for one year, from June 2021 to July 2022, by making six LDR family actors as key informants. The six informants were chosen because, besides the LDR couple having been tested in terms of time, experience, and harmony, they also have uniqueness, such as variations in meeting intensity, work location distance, and strategies they carry out. The location of the study was in Cangakan Village, Ngawi Regency, East Java Province, and the authors chose it because some residents in the area were LDR families. Analysis of the data, the authors used family resilience theories from Walsh and David Olson, John DeFrain, and Linda Skogrand. The discussion in this paper is to answer academic anxiety: what strategies are used by LDR couples in maintaining family harmony and its relevance to the development of family law in Indonesia? This study points to the interesting fact that not all LDR families lead to disharmony. However, they have more significant constraints than average families (in the distance). This article found no specific pattern of being a harmonious family for LDR families in specific communities (particularly at the village level). They have diverse ways to achieve good family resilience. Boitumelo Khothatso Seepamore, “Distance Parenting: Implications for Social Work Practice”, Social Work (South Africa) 52, no. 4 (2016): 571–88. 11 Jennifer L. Bevan and Lisa Sparks, “Communication in the Context of Long-Distance Family Caregiving: An Integrated Review and Practical Applications”, Patient Education and Counseling 85 no. 1 (2011): 300–316. 12 Paola Pucci, Bruna Vendemmia, and Reyhaneh Akhond, “Who are Long Distance Commuters in Italy? Profiling LDC in Milan Urban Region”, Travel Behaviour and Society 28 (2022). 10 [ 135 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. B. Family Resilience Concepts and Strategies The concept of family resilience is closely related to the functioning of the family. Walsh developed the concept of family resilience as a theory related to the functioning of the family. The family is seen as always related to the socio-cultural and multidimensional context of family life.13 This perspective is aligned with the diversity of cultures and family structures, their resources and constraints, sociocultural influences and developments, and the continuity of various resilience pathways.14 Regarding family resilience, Walsh defined the ability of the family as a system to maintain the family and be able to rise from all the downturns that are a process that must be passed during family life. The concept of family resilience in society can be understood in four dimensions.15 The first is family resilience which is related to building relationships between family members. Second, family resilience is related to the function of the family in which there are family members as a place to give love, a place to provide security, a place to provide protection, and a place to provide mutual support to each other to handle stressors.16 According to Iqbal, family resilience is divided into five dimensions: religious resilience, physical resilience, psychological resilience, economic resilience, and social resilience. 17 Meanwhile, the family resilience strategy includes six criteria: appreciation, affection, positive communication,18 commitment to a family, comfort when together, inner well-being with a spiritual foundation, and the ability to effectively manage stress and problems.19 When compared with other studies, there are many 13 Froma Walsh, “Family Resilience: A Developmental Systems Framework”, European Journal of Developmental Psychology 13, no. 3 (2016). 14 Froma Walsh, “Family Process The Concept of Family Resilience: Crisis and Challenge”, Family Process 35, no. 3 (1996). 15 Froma Walsh, “Family Resilience: A Developmental Systems Framework”, European Journal of Developmental Psychology 13, no. 3 (2016). 16 Riski Sulistiarini Tiara Dewi, Muhammad Amir Masruhim, “Ketahanan Keluarga Islami dalam Multi Perspektif,” Laboratorium Penelitian dan Pengembangan Farmaka Tropis Fakultas Farmasi Universitas Mualawarman, Samarinda, Kalimantan Timur, 2016. 17 Muhammad Iqbal, “Psikologi Ketahanan Keluarga”, Buletin KPIN, 2017 (https://buletin.kpin.org/index.php/arsip-artikel/197-psikologi-ketahanan-keluarga). 18 Kathleen M. Galvin and Dawn O. Braithwaite, “Theory and Research from the Communication Field: Discourses that Constitute and Reflect Families”, Journal of Family Theory & Review (2014): 97–111. 19 Linda Skogrand David H. Olson, John De Frain, Marriages and Families: Intimacy, Diversity, and Strengths (New York: Mc Graw Hill, 2011). See also: Mary Rogers Gillmored Albert M.Kopak, [ 136 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. other or perhaps the same things about strategies that affect families to survive and run harmoniously. Some of them are the spiritual soul, the attitude of mutual protection, and attachment to the family. 20 C. Case Description of Long-Distance Relationship Family in Ngawi Ngawi is a district in East Java Province, Indonesia. Ngawi comes from the word “awi” which means ‘bamboo’ which subsequently gets the addition of the nasal letter “Ng” to “NGAWI.” Ngawi indicated a place around the edge of Bengawan Solo and Bengawan Madiun, which was overgrown with bamboo.21 The location of this study focused on Cangakan Village, which is in the western area of Ngawi Regency. The location of Cangakan Village is precisely in Kasreman District, about six kilometers from the center of Ngawi Regency. Administratively, Cangakan Village is bordered by to the north, and it borders Kasreman Village; to the west, it borders Legokulon village; to the east, it borders Karangmalang Village; and to the south, it borders Jatirejo village. The residents of Cangakan Village consist of four hamlets, namely Prayungan, Cangakan 1, Cangakan 2, and Pencol. Most of the people of Cangakan Village have a low level of education, dominated by elementary, middle, and high school graduates. Few of them went to college. It, of course, affects the socio-economic community of Cangakan Village. Most of them work as farmers and farm laborers. Being a migrant worker is an alternative job for those who cannot work in the rice fields. Based on data from Cangakan Village, the level of family welfare there consists of 176 underprivileged families, 1 prosperous family as many as 288 families, 2 prosperous families as many as 306 families, 3 prosperous families as many as 112 families, and 3 plus prosperous families as many as 46 families. This data proves that the people of Cangakan Village are still very minor regarding prosperous families. Thus, Angela Chia-Chen Chen, Steven A.Haas, “The Importance of Family Factors to Protect Against Substance Use Related Problems among Mexican Heritage and White Youth”, Albert M.Kopak, Angela Chia-Chen Chen, Steven A.Haas, Mary Rogers Gillmored 124, no .1–2 (2012). See also: John De Frain & Sylvia M. Asay, “Strong Families around the World an Introduction to the Family Strengths Perspective”, Marriage & Family Review 41, no. 1–2 (2007). 20 Albert M.Kopak, Angela Chia-Chen Chen, Steven A.Haas. 21 Diskominfotiksan Ngawi, “Sejarah Ngawi”, 2022 (Diskominfotiksan Ngawi) [accessed 26 July 2022]. [ 137 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. educational and economic factors are the main reasons for the six couples in Cangakan Village to carry out LDR.22 First is the educational factor. Educational factors affect the condition of all spouses of LDR family informants. The LDR married couple due to difficulties finding a replacement job in the village. Education that is only equivalent to high school and even junior high school makes them limited to being able to enter the world of work close to their village. Low education makes them willing to LDR for a relatively long time. The husband of Winarti’s mother, for example, who did not have a higher education, will work as a machine operator in Kalimantan. The second is the economic factor. This second factor occurs in all LDR couples except Daryanti’s husband. He is an LDR because of his profession at Pertamina. All LDR pairs are due to economic needs. For example, these couples do not participate in wandering with their husbands because of the high costs if they come with their husbands, husbands cannot provide enough birth support because in the village there is no job as a good source of income, their creativity and skills do not guarantee that the husband can make money for economic needs in the village. The details of the LDR case are as follows. Winartini’s mother and her now-second marriage lived in long-distance conditions that had been going on for nine years. The economic demands and jobs carried out before marriage in a timber company as an employee of a machine operator in Kalimantan made the intensity of meeting this couple relatively long, namely twice a year when approaching the holiday and at the end of the year. The communication they use is limited due to the difficulty of the network. Both always draw closer to Allah to achieve a family that is sakinah mawaddah and rahmah. For both, the real problem is the lack of mental livelihood. However, both can overcome this by maximizing time when they are together. 23 Susi’s mother and her husband were an LDR couple for 12 years as the second informant. This economic demand requires the husband to leave the village to achieve family welfare. Her husband worked in a construction factory in Jakarta as an employee. The couple’s meetings are intense once a month, but since the 22 Village Government, Cangakan Village Profile (Ngawi, East Java, Indonesia, 2021). 23 Winarti, “Interview” (Ngawi, East Java, Indonesia: May 20, 2021). [ 138 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. pandemic, access to return has become difficult. This couple has the provision of faith, and exercising all this solely for the worship of God is the principle of this couple in maintaining the integrity of their home. This second informant was aware that their marriage age was long gone. So, the two always cultivate harmony, understand, trust, and maximize time together when they go home.24 Ummi’s family and husband lived in long-distance conditions and have been running for 13 years. The family became an LDR couple due to economic factors that demanded they must separate temporarily. Her husband worked in a Pertamina factory whose work was moving around. At the beginning of her husband’s work was in Jakarta, then in Manado, Papua, Maluku, Tolitoli, and Ambon as an employee. The intensity of the meeting of this couple is only once every two to four months. This family tries always to think positively to be the key to family harmony. On the communication side, they have problems. However, the problem of inner living felt by the couple is still lacking. The solution they do is always try to maximize time together.25 The informant was Mrs. Daryanti, who had been undergoing LDR for eight years. The couple became an LDR because of the demands of his profession as a wife who was also a village official and a husband who could not farm in the village. In addition, the educational factor also causes them to have an LDR relationship. The intensity of the meeting of this couple is once a month. The problem of mental living problems is not as optimal as in other LDR families. However, they overcome that problem by maximizing time together when their husbands come home.26 Mrs. Hermiati and her husband became part five as informants of the LDR family with six years of running. Economic conditions are the main reason the husband leaves the village to achieve family welfare. In addition, the physical reason for not being able to work in the village requires this couple to have an LDR relationship. They worked in a Garment Sritek factory in Sukoharjo as an employee. The intensity of the couple’s meetings was relatively high because they could go home every week due to the relatively close distance compared to other LDR 24 Susi, “Interview” (Ngawi, East Java, Indonesia: May 23, 2021). 25 Ummi, “Interview” (Ngawi, East Java, Indonesia: May 23, 2021). 26 Daryanti, “Interview” (Ngawi, East Java, Indonesia: May 22, 2021). [ 139 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. informants in this study. Nevertheless, what is often a problem is that limited communication occurs in this couple.27 Priyanti and her husband belong to a category family that was recently an LDR family, which is only approximately three years old. Priyanti’s husband works on a CV. Glue Distributor in Surabaya as an employee. The intensity of this pair is once a week. The couple did not choose to live under one roof by wandering together in Surabaya. The cost of living will swell if they live together in Surabaya. 28 Among the two factors above, the economy is the main factor that causes couples to do LDR compared to the educational factor. As for what is included in the category of economic factors based on the data above, no other professions or professions have been carried out before marriage, and the cost of family living either in the village or when participating in wandering has increased in size. Unlike the other five couples, Daryanti and her husband underwent LDR due to their respective busy lives. Daryanti’s mother was a village official, and her husband could not farm while living there. Unfortunately, the informants did not mention that their husbands worked in the civil apparatus sector of the state or did not mention that their profession required a diploma of higher education or a specific certificate. D. Family Resilience Strategy for Long-Distance Relationships in Ngawi Based on the interviews with informants, the authors found six strategies used by the LDR family to create a harmonious family. The six strategies are commitment, effective communication, inner comfort, spiritual enhancement, and mutual understanding. The six strategies show that in carrying out the LDR, couples make several physical and mental efforts to create a harmonious family. These findings are consistent with the previous theory that family resilience should be with an attitude of commitment, effective communication, economic adequacy, inner comfort, spiritual improvement, and mutual understanding. The family is a place to share affection, security, protection, support, and relieve stress. Even though a long distance separates the husband and wife, the functioning of the family 27 Hermiati, “Interview” (Ngawi, East Java, Indonesia: May 20, 2021). 28 Priyanti, “Interview” (Ngawi, East Java, Indonesia: May 21, 2021). [ 140 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. is still carried out with various efforts, as mentioned above. A more detailed explanation of the strategy can be explained as follows. The first is a commitment to achieving a harmonious family. All informant pairs use this first strategy. An LDR family with a very long time, from three to 12 years, certainly cannot survive except with high commitment. It is an attitude that must be present and maintained to achieve good family resilience. Behind that firm commitment, they also experienced insufficient time together, mental needs, and a lack of affection. Family relationships supporting each other and strengthening each other are crucial to the theory presented in this study.29 The second is effective communication. All LDR pairs use this second strategy. Hermiati’s mother contacted her husband or vice versa during recess or outside working hours. It is done so that effective communication can occur. Hermiati and her husband also used the time together to communicate effectively when returning home by discussing domestic issues and other needs. LDR couples have limitations in communication. However, they can manage the communication time and use it well. Communication instead of the comfort of shared feelings and appreciation for the couple. When further analyzed, LDR couples also always think positively about their partners who are far away or not. Their efforts always produce positive things because they are accompanied by positive communication. Even in such conditions, communication is not always smooth because poor network signals still constrain some locations in Indonesia. Technology advancements have also made this LDR couple help carry out positive 29 T Habbershon and M Williams, “A Resource-Based Framework for Assessing the Strategic Advantages of Family Firms”, Family Business Review 12 (1999): 1–25; James J Chrisman and P Patel, “Variations in R & D Investments of Family and Nonfamily Firms: Behavioral Agency and Myopic Loss Aversion Perspectives”, Academy of Management Journal 55 (2012): 976–97; J Chua, James J Chrisman, and Pramodita Sharma, “Defining the Family Business by Behavior”, Entrepreneurship Theory and Practice 23 (1999): 19–39; P Berrone and others, “Socioemotional Wealth and Corporate Responses to Institutional Pressures: Do Family-Controlled Firms Pollute Less?”, Administrative Science Quarterly 55 (2010): 113–82; David G Sirmon and M Hitt, “Managing Resources: Linking Unique Resources, Management, and Wealth Creation in Family Firms”, Entrepreneurship Theory and Practice 27 (2003): 339–58; L Gómez-Mejia, C Cruz, and others, “The Bind That Ties: Socioemotional Wealth Preservation in Family Firms”, The Academy of Management Annals 5 (2011): 653–707; L Gómez-Mejia, K T Haynes, and others, “Socioemotional Wealth and Business Risks in FamilyControlled Firms: Evidence from Spanish Olive Oil Mills”, Administrative Science Quarterly 52 (2007): 106–37; W Schulze and others, “Agency Relationships in Family Firms: Theory and Evidence”, Organization Science 12 (2001): 99–116. [ 141 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. communication. It is a substitute for a sense of togetherness and appreciation, and affection. Effective communication is also expected to reduce stress and solve problems effectively. 30 The third is economic adequacy. All LDR pairs use it. Economic adequacy was the initial foundation for the LDR pair. Susi was willing to be left by her husband, who worked in Jakarta. Susi did not follow her husband to work in Jakarta because of the expensive living costs in the capital and the cost of living that increases if she joins her husband. The husband of Susi’s mother also cannot be in the village to provide for the family. Conditions in the village, far from factories and industrial centers, caused economic development to be inadequate to meet the family’s needs. Meeting physical (economic) needs is also one key to the happiness of LDR couples.31 It is a family system because the priority for LDR is economic affairs. Material adequacy in the household is vital to fulfilling a strong commitment in the 30 Paul Schrodt and K E Phillips, “Self-Disclosure and Relational Uncertainty as Mediators of Family Communication Patterns and Relational Outcomes in Sibling Relationships”, Communication Monographs 83 (2016): 486–504; Joseph Grant Velasco, “Parented Emotion: A Study of AdultChildren”s Emotion Socialization and Family Communication Patterns”, 2011; Jordan Young and Paul Schrodt, “Family Communication Patterns, Parental Modeling, and Confirmation in Romantic Relationships”, Communication Quarterly 64 (2016): 454–75; David M Keating, “Conversation Orientation and Conformity Orientation are Inversely Related: A Meta-Analysis”, Communication Research Reports 33 (2016): 195–206; Alan L Sillars and others, “Conversation and Conformity Orientations as Predictors of Observed Conflict Tactics in Parent-Adolescent Discussions”, Journal of Family Communication 14 (2014): 16–31; A Koerner and Paul Schrodt, “An Introduction to the Special Issue on Family Communication Patterns Theory”, Journal of Family Communication 14 (2014): 1– 15; P Thompson and Paul Schrodt, “Perceptions of Joint Family Storytelling as Mediators of Family Communication Patterns and Family Strengths”, Communication Quarterly 63 (2015): 405–26; Paul Schrodt, Paul L Witt, and Amber S Messersmith, “A Meta-Analytical Review of Family Communication Patterns and their Associations with Information Processing, Behavioral, and Psychosocial Outcomes”, Communication Monographs 75 (2008): 248–69. 31 M Murphy and O Sullivan, “Housing Tenure and Family Formation in Contemporary Britain”, European Sociological Review 1 (1985): 230–43; D Courgeau, “Interaction between Spatial Mobility, Family and Career Life-Cycle: A French Survey”, European Sociological Review 1 (1985): 139–62; C Mulder and M Wagner, “Migration and Marriage in the Life Course: A Method for Studying Synchronized Events”, European Journal of Population / Revue Européenne de Démographie 9 (1993): 55–76; C Mulder, “Population and Housing: A Two Sided Relationship”, European Journal of Social Psychology, 2006; W Clark and Youqin Huang, “The Life Course and Residential Mobility in British Housing Markets”, Environment and Planning A 35 (2003): 323–39; M Deurloo, W Clark, and F Dieleman, “The Move to Housing Ownership in Temporal and Regional Contexts”, Environment and Planning A,26 (1994): 1659–70; S Withers, “Linking Household Transitions and Housing Transitions: A Longitudinal Analysis of Renters”, Environment and Planning A 30 (1998): 615–30; C Mulder and M Wagner, “First-Time Home-Ownership in the Family Life Course: A West German-Dutch Comparison”, Urban Studies 35 (1998): 687–713. [ 142 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. economic field. However, this condition is not balanced with sufficient mental needs. It becomes an evident inequality for LDR couples and one-cease couples.32 Fourth, there is inner comfort.33 All LDR pairs use this strategy. For example, Winartini, as an LDR couple, seeks to gain inner comfort by establishing communication with the husband. In addition, he also always prayed to God to be given a sakinah family. These LDR family meetings of varying intensity are very well used. Their time with them is used to feel inner comfort and improve their spiritual in living their needs. The meeting of LDR couples is the best time to give each other appreciation and affection that cannot be given due to their limitations. It is also time to reduce the stress and stress of crises that can occur because of LDR relationships. It is by “The International Family Strengths Model,” which can always manage stress and provide affection based on spiritual spirit. Fifth is the enhancement of the spiritual soul. All LDR couples always perform religious rituals to improve the spiritual soul. It can be seen from the habits of those who consistently pray that their husbands will get smoothness and safety at work. Winartini’s mother always prayed that her family would become a family of sakinah, mawaddah, and rahmah. Susi and her husband also admitted that establishing a family with Faith in God is the key to the success of the LDR couple. The power of prayer and commitment to reach the sakinah mawaddah family and rahmah has become essential for LDR families to do as per the data in the field above. This spiritual power has given strength to the LDR couple in achieving happiness, dismissing negative thoughts, and giving optimistic hope and positive thinking to the couple. 32 R Conger, K Conger, and others, “A Family Process Model of Economic Hardship and Adjustment of Early Adolescent Boys”, Child Development 63, no. 3 (1992): 526–41; R Conger, G Elder, and others, “Linking Economic Hardship to Marital Quality and Instability”, Journal of Marriage and Family 52 (1990): 643; V Mcloyd, “Socialization and Development in a Changing Economy: The Effects of Paternal Job and Income Loss on Children”, American Psychologist 44 (1989): 293–302. 33 Uswatun Insani and Evi Supriatun, “Family Support Related to Information, Comfort, Economy and Spiritual in Preeclamptic Pregnancy Care: Qualitative Exploration”, Journal of Nursing 12, no. 1 (2021): 42–52; Asay; Francesco Cerchiaro, S Aupers, and D Houtman, “Christian-Muslim Couples in the Veneto Region, Northeastern Italy: Dealing with Religious Pluralism in Everyday Family Life”, Social Compass 62 (2015): 43–60. [ 143 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. Sixth is mutual understanding between husband and wife.34 All LDR pairs use this sixth strategy. For example, Ummi’s spouse and husband, Ummi’s husband, who works in Pertamina, must be ready to be moved anywhere. Ummi as a wife, has always understood that this is a consequence of her husband’s profession. Ummi understands that they are life choices that must be lived, and she supports the husband’s profession at the risk of becoming an LDR partner. The LDR relationship in Ngawi Regency is an uneven economic and welfare impact. The economic downturn made some families form serious families so that they were willing to become the spouses of the LDR family. Moreover, the mutation system works in specific jobs far away, not only between provinces but also between islands. The condition was then also aggravated by the poor communication network throughout Indonesia. It is aggravated by working hours that do not necessarily allow workers to meet communication devices during working hours. It makes the reduction in time for communication even less. In such conditions, without being balanced by a mutual understanding of LDR couples, it is indeed difficult to create a family that is sakinah, mawaddah, and rahmah. Based on the above data, their LDR family can be harmonious due to a strong emotional bond. Their commitment to creating a harmonious family is firm. Whereas to meet their inner needs, the category is lacking. This impulse is rooted in the economic problems they must face. The conditions of the village do not support them to achieve a good life by meeting the family’s living needs. Communication is also something they continue to do with modern communication media today. 34 C Sullivan and others, “Impact of the Domestic Violence Housing First Model on Survivors” Safety and Housing Stability: Six Month Findings”, Journal of Family Violence (2022): 1–12; Andrea Hetling and others, “Long-Term Housing and Intimate Partner Violence”, Affilia 33 (2018): 526–42; Patty R Wilson and others, “The Relationship between Housing Instability and Intimate Partner Violence: A Retrospective Study.”, Public Health Nursing (2020); A Hawley-Bernardez, “Leaving Experiences of Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence in Emergency Shelter and Transitional Housing”, (2017); Rachel Keefe and S A Hahn, “Policy Roles in Promoting Affordable Housing for Survivors of Intimate Partner Violence”, Violence Against Women 27 (2020): 1317–36; D Saunders, “Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship”, (2021); Veronica R Barrios and others, “Future Directions in Intimate Partner Violence Research: An Intersectionality Framework for Analyzing Women”s Processes of Leaving Abusive Relationships”, Journal of Interpersonal Violence 36 (2020): NP12600–625; D Saunders, “Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship”, Handbook of Interpersonal Violence and Abuse Across the Lifespan, (2021). [ 144 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. Although not all LDR family couples can communicate well because the signal network in some areas is not stable or still limited. Spiritual development through worship and praying for each other continues to be carried out by the LDR family. They prayed for harmony in the family and to be given economic sufficiency in their families. Last, they have an emotional attitude of trusting each other and keeping that trust. The long distance that separates the LDR family does not mean that it can act freely and then violate the commitment of living together. Couples always do positive things by acting as their respective functions and tasks. Husbands who work far away have the main task of supporting economic needs, and wives at home have the task of managing family needs and caring for children more technically and in detail. E. The Relevance of Long-Distance Relationship Family Resilience with Family Law Development in Indonesia Family is not just a legal matter that is said to be legal between one person and another. It is not only a halal and haram issue, black or white, and not only a legitimate and not an illegitimate issue. However, families are formed because of two different people who commit to living together to achieve a happy life. Spiritually, happiness in the family is not only in the world but also in the next world (the hereafter). This goal is not only physical but also mental happiness based on Divine values. Therefore, it is essential to present ideas, concepts, and development of family law which are not only religious doctrinal or juridical doctrinal but also include legal development with a psychological approach.35 Family law in Indonesia must lead not only to the legalization of marriage but also to touch the couple’s soul in the family to create a happy and eternal family. 36 Danu Aris Setiyanto wrote the construction of family law with a psychological approach. However, the writing is only a discourse.37 Unlike Setiyanto’s writing, this 35 Irene J. Su and others, “Investigation into the Psychological Resilience of Family Caregivers Burdened with in Home Treatment of Patients with Bipolar Disorder”, Journal of Affective Disorders Reports 3 (2021). 36 Ben Mathews, “A Taxonomy of Duties to Report Child Sexual Abuse: Legal Developments Offer New Ways to Facilitate Disclosure”, Child Abuse and Neglect 88 (2019): 337–47. 37 Danu Aris Setiyanto, “Konstruksi Pembangunan Hukum Keluarga di Indonesia melalui Pendekatan Psikologi”, Al-Ahkam 27, no. 1 (2017): 25. [ 145 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. article starts from social facts. When linked to the LDR family case, the authors offer three recommendations for developing Islamic family law in Indonesia. First, commitment to living a family life in all conditions. Family life is not always faced with great happiness. However, sometimes families encounter obstructions, delays, and grief. Faced with such a thing, the husband and wife must have a good attitude toward building family resilience. Family commitment will be tested at every phase of domestic life, which is always dynamic and tested from various sides. This commitment can be shared before having children. After having children, the next commitment phase will also be tested with social and cultural aspects of society. In addition, family commitment will also be related to building cooperative relationships with other social institutions so that the commitment to achieving a happy family is essential. Therefore, the development of family law must-have elements that build an element of commitment. 38 Commitment efforts in the realm of law in Indonesia have not been built with the realm of psychology. However, researchers read that the state presents regulations complicating divorce. Divorce should be on the grounds that divorce funds are carried out before a court hearing. Until now, there has been no effort to build this commitment seriously with a mental approach through the subjugation of normative juridical laws. Although in divorce hearings to reconcile the parties, judges often also use a psychological (soul) approach. Second, good communication creates appreciation and affection.39 Family relationships not built with good communication will result in distrust and lack of appreciation and cause less affection.40 It also needs to be presented in developing family law in Indonesia. It includes always thinking positively about a partner (husband and wife) away from work or activity. One of the legal products that the 38 Mohammad Rezaur Razzak, Raida Abu Bakar, and Norizah Mustamil, “Socioemotional Wealth and Family Commitment: Moderating Role of Controlling Generation in Family Firms”, Journal of Family Business Management 9, no. 4 (2019): 393–415; Mohammad Rezaur Razzak, Norizah Mustamil, and Raida Abu Bakar, “Research Gaps in Family Owned Businesses: A Conceptual Link between Socio-Emotional Wealth, Family Commitment and Firm Performance”, International Journal of Business Excellence 20, no. 2 (2020): 205–22. 39 Su et al., “Investigation into the Psychological Resilience of Family Caregivers Burdened with in Home Treatment of Patients with Bipolar Disorder.” 40 Mireia Salvador and others, “Psychological Distress, Dyadic Adjustment and Family Dynamics after Prenatal Diagnosis of Congenital Heart Disease”, Anales de Pediatría (English Edition): XXXX, (2021). [ 146 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. authors consider an effort to increase affection in the family is the Law on the Prevention of Domestic Violence, the Child, and Women’s Protection Act. These legal products include violence in psychic forms such as threats, insults, cursing, and snapping. It means that Indonesia hopes that legal development is not only a matter of jurisprudence or regulation of halal and haram but also builds an attitude of humanitarian affection.41 Third, spiritual well-being is balanced with material well-being while considering adequate shared time. Economic, business, and professional factors do not always support family members (husband and wife) under one roof. This condition certainly impacts the time and well-being of the birth and the inner wellbeing of the LDR couple. In general, the family law position in Indonesia has not been supportive of this. Family law in the future should be able to build on this point by campaigning on the arrangement of maternity leave, work leave in the world of work or industry, increase in work or labor wages, access to good communication networks, and others.42 With some factors mentioned above, it can be said that the development of family law in Indonesia is not only related to the legalization of marriage. However, it is also worth considering the more urgent aspects of psychology because the family is built on commitment, communication full of appreciation, and fulfillment of spiritual and material needs. As a result of this idea of family law development, there must be a review of family law itself and other related regulations, for example, in the field of economics and the field of people’s welfare. To create a good family resilience and an eternal and happy family based on One True Godhead. Heather Nancarrow and others, Accurately Identifying the “Person Most in Need of Protection” in Domestic and Family Violence Law, Anrows., (2020); T W S Putria, “Community-Based Efforts to Combat Family Violence: Evidence from Sorong, West Papua, Indonesia”, Ijicc.Net 13, no. 3 (2020): 1032–39; Ani Purwanti and Fajar Ahmad Setiawan, “Developing Anti Domestic Violence Policy during Covid-19 Pandemic in Indonesia”, Jurnal Of Legal Studies 7, no. 2 (2020): 238–54; Fatahillah Abdul Syukur and Dale Bagshaw, “Gender, Power, and Court-Annexed Mediation in Indonesia”, Conflict Resolution Quarterly 37, no. 4 (2020): 277–88. 42 Sheuli Misra and others, “Family Welfare Expenditure, Contraceptive Use, Sources and Method‐mix in India”, Sustainability (Switzerland) 13, no. 17 (2021): 1–20; Jumirah Jumirah and Heni Wahyuni, “The Effect of Social Capital on Welfare in Indonesia”, Journal of Indonesian Economy and Business 33, no. 1 (2018): 65; Choirul En Huda, “Family Transfers, Coresidency, Elderly Labor Supply, and Welfare Perspective: Evidence from Indonesia”, Jurnal BPPK: Education Agency dan Financial Training 13, no. 1 (2020): 47–63. 41 [ 147 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. In Indonesia, the state has played a role in developing Islamic family law carried out by the Ministry of Religious Affairs through the Office of Religious Affairs (KUA). KUA carries out legal construction with the guidance of the bride-to-be (commonly called Suscatin or Binwin). Suscatin is an effort by the state to increase the bride-to-be’s understanding, knowledge, and skills about the family. The material presented at Suscatin is not just a matter of law. Themes include reproductive health, knowledge of the function and role of the family, marriage regulation, family psychology, and others. The speakers were not only from the Ministry of Religious Affairs but also from across agencies, namely the health office, local governments, and others.43 Several other state agencies have also made efforts to carry out the construction of family law. Legal development is carried out by conducting policies or creating laws and regulations and direct guidance to the community. The agents in question include the Religious Court, the Office of Population Control, Family Planning, Women’s Empowerment and Child Protection, and the revision of laws related to the family. All state institutions related to the family ideally do well to cooperate to create a harmonious family so that the community becomes more prosperous—Religious Courts by producing judgments with legal considerations that consider various matters. For example, in deciding the case of applying for marriage dispensation, the Judge will consider several things, namely legal aspects, psychological aspects, and the mental and physical readiness of the applicants who will perform the marriage. The case of marriage outside of marriage also considers the psychological aspects of society that feel there is a disgrace if their child is pregnant outside of marriage.44 F. Conclusion Strategies of commitment, effective communication, inner comfort, economic fulfillment, spiritual improvement, and mutual understanding between couples are 43 Eromoko District Religious Affairs Office, Brides-to-be Course (Wonogiri, 2022). 44 Suaib Abdullah, Nirwan Junus, and Dolot Alhasni Bakung, “Polemic and Existence Marriage Dispensation Given Marriage Law”, 1, no. 3 (2019): 726–40; Cahyo Dwi Irfan, “Social Journal dan Syari Culture”, Social Journal dan Syari Culture 8, no. 1 (2021): 1–20; Koalisi 18+ and UNICEF, “Revealing the Truth of Marriage Dispensation: An Analysis of Child Marriage Practice in Tuban, Bogor, and Mamuju Districts”, (2019). [ 148 ] Journal of Islamic Law (JIL), Vol. 3, No. 2, 2022. six strategies for LDR couples in Ngawi to create a harmonious family. These six things are key informants in facing all challenges as an LDR family with a posology perspective. The development of family law in Indonesia should ideally also have a psychological approach. This approach becomes urgent because the family is built not only because of the legal ratification alone but because of an emotional connection between people. Commitment attitudes, effective communication, and physical and mental balance are the top priorities in developing family law in the future. These three things do not fully happen without cooperation between fields, especially in economy and people’s welfare, focusing on the spiritual spirit. This study did not consider the variations in LDR family constraints in achieving family harmony. We also do not give a more detailed explanation of the state’s role in creating a harmonious family. We suggest subsequent research to create a space for discussion about family resilience by considering the constraints on families achieving well-being directly. In addition, subsequent research can discuss the state’s role or the legal politics of family law development with various approaches. 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